Sunday, January 27, 2013

Sledding Along, Singing a Song

The poop brigade has been camped out at Kitpu Estates for a couple of days now, so yesterday we bundled them up and went for a short two or three k walk with them.  When we made it back to Kitpu I mentioned to the hubby that it would be nice if we could find a sled at a yard sale for the kiddies so when they are here, and we have actual snow, we would be able to take them sliding somewhere.  This morning as I was being all Dora Domestica, and chatting with the kidlet, the hubby went out to the gee-rage and hung out there.  Shortly before lunch he walks into the house and lo and behold brings this with him.

Have I mentioned how impressed I can be with the hubby and his talents?  If not...let me state for that record that I am pretty impressed.  He built this sled out of old kitchen cabinets and a piece of maple log he had chopped down.  Just so everyone knows, I have dibs on the hubby for the Zombie Apocalypse.  For that matter I have dibs on him for any of the apocalypses, zombie, Mayan, rapture, or EMP. 

And if you are wondering, the snow cover is about two inches in the deepest parts.  I think we had a lot more prior to the warm, rainy days of two weeks ago.  So it was a little difficult for old Iron Bess to find places to drag these loud and short hooligans.  The hubby made their day later on when he took them for a quad/snow plow ride.  Fun was had by all. 

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Hell Has Frozen Over And So Has The East

It is a billion degrees below zero right now and the hubby is out in the bushes cutting firewood.  (Okay so maybe not quite a billion more like -14, but freaking cold.)  The cold out here isn't anything like the cold I was used to in the western part of the world, it is more bitey than the dry cold.  Well much more bitey if the wind is blowing.  If the wind is non-existent then it is actually quite pleasant. 

I went to town this morning to pick up some groceries and holy-moly was it ever cold.  The worst of it was that the usual grocery store I typically go to had many shelves that were devoid of product, the veggie aisle didn't even have carrots or bananas left, so I had to go to a different store altogether.  Lots of product in the other store but it also costs a lot more money.  (This is me shaking my fist at the bastards...==<3, and no that isn't a heart.)  Tomorrow I have a writing class in the big city of Lunenburg, I hear tell that the weather is supposed to continue to be cold and nasty, as long as it is sunny and cold I'm okay with it. 

Yesterday me, the hubby, and the hell hound went for a walk.  It was cold, and icy.  One step forward, 1/4 slide back.  I hate ice under the snow, I feel like I have to take these mincing little steps and I look, feel, and act like a dork.  It always brings to mind this woman who used to come swimming years ago when I was a lifeguard; she was somewhere in the three hundred pound range, but had the tiniest little feet.  Whenever she came out onto the deck she would do this little prancey kind of dance and try to walk on her toes, she looked like she was afraid to get her feet wet or something.  I'm not sure if it was an affectation, or she actually always walked like that, but I've never forgotten it, and have always tried to avoid doing it.  Tall, hulking girls like me look stupid trying to be prissy.  Trust me on this.  It is the same reason I do not wear frills, lace, or pants that have the word "Juicy" printed across the ass.  Well not the only reason, the other reason is because I hate frills, lace, pants, and false advertising.  

Now I have to go downstairs and dig out my arctic parka so I can go outside and take Hellhoundicus for a walk.  Hopefully I will not return with a frozen pupsicle. 

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Bully For You

I just finished editing my next submission to Life As A Human, the topic is about bullying in the workplace.  As I wrote away at it, the topic brought back memories of working in an office environment and made me realize how amazing and fantastic my last few years working for my company was.  You see I took over the management of the purchasing department in a rather large mine site which meant that I had several buyer types and clerks working for me.  I do not know if it was through luck, or because I finally had enough experience working with people, or the fact that everyone working for me were amazing, awesome, and wonderful, but the working environment was the best I ever had.  The people in our department all got along so well it was almost scary.  Some days I was expecting the hammer to fall and crush several of us under its weight.  But while I was there things were pretty darned great.  The biggest fly in my ointment of work was the distance I had to travel to get there, and the ungodly hours I had to be up by to do that.  I still miss all the girls...and boys who I worked with.  It makes me sad to think there are so many people out there right now who have to work and cannot experience a workplace devoid of bullshit.  Sigh.

Well now for the weather report here at Kitpu Estates.  You know that warm windy weather which blew away all the snow I had in my front yard, well that is gone.  Now I have cold, windy, and snowy weather which seems to be bent on bringing back all the snow.  It sucks major league spit ball...frozen spit balls.  But it is winter, and it is only -9, and the rest of the country seems to be in a deep freeze of the sub twenties and thirties, so I shouldn't complain right?  Well I'm gonna! 

Yesterday I had a rather nice visit from the poop brigade and although it would have been nice to take them outside to enjoy the great outdoors, it turned out to be a tich too cold for that.  So we hung out, ate lunch, chatted, napped, and just kicked back.  Having family around is amazing.  I realize I have many things to be grateful for.  So I just want to put it out there...."Thank you universe!  The members of the Old Shoes and Tea Society, Chocolate and Naps Club, and the Poop Brigade are all thankful, grateful, and send you a hey."  

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Blow Me Down!

It has, and continues to be, a crazy week for weather.  First cold, then warm, then snowing, then raining, then cold, then colder, now warm, and blowing like hell.  Them's hurricane force winds out there.  It has been hovering around the plus ten mark all day, the wind went from meh, to holy smokes Batman.  It has managed to blow 95% of the snow right off the front yard.  There is around four inches of water on top of the ice on the lake and small white caps has been topping it off all day.  I can only hope that come Thursday and Friday the weather will be nice to me and allow me to go to class and my writer's group.  I got one in last week, but not the other. 

My fear is that I am going to go up to the wood lot and find all the rows of stacked wood blown over again.  That would not be fun.  Cuz really, how many times does a person have to stack the same pile of wood?  But I am done writing the down draft of my next article, finished lunch, done making pumpkin tarts so I do not have any more excuses to put it off.  I think I will put on some rubber boots before going outside though, because I think it may be just a tad bit on the damp side.  Wish me luck. 

Friday, January 18, 2013


Wow it is actually cold out there.  Like twenty below cold.  I know!  Who'd a thunk it.  Last winter I don't think the temperature got more than minus ten, maybe fifteen but it would have only been for all of fifteen minutes.  We also got some more snow today.  I know!  It is almost like it's winter or something.  If this keeps up I may actually have to pull out a pair of snow shoes and go walking on the lake, and through the bush with the things on.  And I'm so out of shape right now that it could mean all kinds of paining things will happen to my muscles.  I know! 

So Babylon Search, and Claro Search still continues to haunt my computer.  I've been trying out a few different things to try and rid myself of them/it but so far to no avail.  If I have to take my computer in to have it debugged I will not be a happy camper.  Arrrrgggghhhhhhh.  So in the meantime I have downloaded Firefox and have started to transfer a bunch of favourites over to it. 

Today started out kind of crappy, I had my very first writer's group meeting happening in Lunenburg at 10am, I was just going to go out and start my vehicle when I got an email telling me the meeting was cancelled because of weather.  I can only assume the weather was a lot worse there than here because here it wasn't anything to write home about.  The hubby, bless his pointy little head, when up into the attic and insulated the shit out of it.  Have I mentioned how much I love the hubby?  If I haven't I will state it again, I love my hubby.  He is marvelous at doing all those shitty kinds of jobs.  (Insulation is one of those things I try to avoid at every possible juncture.  I had a bad experience with it many years ago and to this day it gives me the heebie-jeebies.)  So while he was doing that I figured I would get all Dora Domestica in his face and made him a bunch of stuff I knew that he would like.  Like biscuits, and baked chicken, and lumpy potatoes...and home made oatmeal, chocolate chip cookies.  It took me all freakin day.  And as usual with Dora chores it felt as if I didn't get anything accomplished by the end of the day. 

Did I mention how much I hate the Babylon Search piece of crap? 

Now I am sitting here writing in my blog, which I usually like to do, but all I can think of is that stupid Babylon and it is taking all the fun out of it.  Grrrrr.  

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Chatting With My Lake

My lake is a real Chatty Cathy, she grumbles, gurgles, cracks, and blurgs pretty much all winter.  Yesterday while I was taking advantage of the sunny, warm, plus temperatures and out fixing a stack of wood which had fallin over in a wind storm a few weeks ago, then got covered in snow, then froze to the ground, my lake and I had a good long chat. 

Me: Son of a bitch this piece of wood is not coming loose.  (Whack, whack, whack - that is me hitting wood with a piece of wood to try to loosen it from the frozen ground.)

Lake: Blurgle...blurb...gup?

Me: That's easy for you to say all you have to do is laze around under the ice. 

Lake: Gurrrruple....boogle...blah. 

Me: Yeah well screw you too. 

And so on. 

For those of you who do not have the opportunity to live by a lake (first let me commiserate with you and tell you how sorry I am) I will explain the dynamics.  Fall comes and the lake starts cooling down, winter happens and the lake freezes over, during the winter the sun comes out and warms things, or the snows fly, or the temperatures drop and freeze things more, and meanwhile under the ice the lake is still wet.  So it warms, it cools, it moves, etc, as all this stuff happens the ice is not quite as mobile, and doesn't care to be, so noises happen.  Something so loud that you can actually hear it in the house.  Actually a lot of times that happens, there have been many a night that I have drifted off to sleep listening to my lake talking to me. 

Okay here is the part of my blog where I am going to do some serious bitching about an asshole product called Babylon Search.  So cover your ears because I will be doing some serious ranting.  You see the hubby needs a picture of himself, passport size, for this thing that he needs, and the rules say he doesn't need a "for real, taken by professionals" picture, but it has to be a specific size.  How hard can that be right?  So Iron Bess grabs her trusty camera and takes around a hundred pictures of hubby against a light background.  (He is still working on getting his vision back after all the flashes.)  So I go through all the pictures and pick out the one(s) I think will make him look less like Clem Kadiddlehopper, or Guido, and start trying to get the right size.  So I try my first photoshop type program and cannot get it to the correct size, then I try another, and another...then I start swearing like a pirate on shore leave.  Then I go to Google and ask pretty please for a program which will help me do passport pictures.  Presto...there is a program on the first line.  So I download it for free. 

It turns out that it also is a piece of shit program which does not miraculously turn my pictures into a regulation sized passport picture, all it does is give me an outline and assumes you already have the correct sized picture to fit into it.  At this point I say fuck, and a lot of other bad words, and I delete its ass.  But guess what?  It also downloaded another sneaky hitch hiking program along with it called Babylon Search, and even though it specifically said that if I did not want it I could easily delete it, it fucking lied.  Lied big!!!!!  Bastards...sons of a bitches!!!!  Scum sucking, weinerless turds!!!!  It turns out that Babylon Search acts like a virus and refuses to allow you to get rid of its ass.  So then, of course, I did some searching on the net to see if there were any solutions to get rid of it.  There is...a lot of them.  Oh and there are a lot more people out there who hate these guys....way more than me.  But none of the solutions have worked.  Guess why?  Because those Babylon Bastards have been fixing all those methods of cancelling them out.  I hope someone takes a garfangle and sticks it in a place where it will really hurt those yellow bellied, slithering Slytherns. 

Sigh.  So now I am off to help the hubby murder a few more trees for next year's firewood requirements.  The temperatures dropped in the night which means the ground should be frozen, which means that if we drop a few trees and take them up to our wood lot they won't be covered in five inches of mud by the time we get them there, which means when we try to buck them up our chains won't go dull in seconds.  So when I come back from tree murdering I will have the joy-joy experience of trying to get rid of a shit-assed, scum sucking, program.  If ayone out there has a solution for me I would be greatly indebted to you and if I were to ever have another child I would repay you by naming it after you.  :)

Monday, January 14, 2013

Dora Domestica

I made a great big ginormous pot of chicken soup today, and it was good.  Actually it was more like stewp than soup.  But it was still good.  I also made a batch of cheese biscuits, also good, but they came out a little wonky.  Mostly because, a) I did not follow a recipe.  b) I used half flour and half some other kind of non-gluten flour.  and c) I accidentally dumped in a bit more cheese than I should of.  Kinda like three times more than I should have.  They ended up having to stay in the oven a LOT longer than regular biscuits, but were tasty all the same.  Least wise it didn't reduce the amount, or speed the meal was consumed in. 

The day started out quite foggy this morning, which turned into drizzle, which turned into a whole bunch of snow going bye-bye.  And although it means that everything is mucky and soggy and sloppy out there, I am okay with it.  Most especially because it was also plus 10 all day.  Unfortunately I didn't make it outside today because I was, a) too lazy, and 2) pretending to be Dora Domestica meets Wrennie Writer.  Plus the muscle that cramped up on my neck last week and bugged me all week has transferred itself over to the other side of my neck and shoulders.  Grrrrr.  Very frustrating. 

Pirate Speak:  did you know when a pirate says, "Quit usin me wooden leg as a scratching post ye tall-tailed begger."  She is talking about a cat. in this household. 

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Shiver Me Timbers

I spent almost an entire day doing the writing thing.  I stopped occasionally to do some laundry, eat some food, and then take the hell hound and hubby for a walk.  So perhaps I didn't spend all day writing it just seemed like I did.  I did manage to get a new article into a complete rough draft, so that is a good thing.  It happens to be one which I am not quite sure of so I will send it off to my pre-reader for her advice before trying to edit the crappiness out of it. 

I also just got an email saying that I have been accepted into a local writers group.  I love the fact that I will now get to spend a couple of hours a week with some like-minded people.  Well I'm not sure we are like minded seeing as I haven't actually met the group yet, but I am assuming we are like minded in terms of wanting to write stuff.  So yay. 

Oh no, I just realized something, now I will have to be what do you call it?  Oh yeah, social.  I will have to take out a buffer and rub some of that anti-social rust off the brain so I can interact with people.  Maybe I can get the hubby to pull out his shop vac and suck some of the gyprock dust from my brain cavity.  Or pull out his sander, and sand away the curmudgeon molecules from my personality.  (Yeah, okay, enough with that!) 

Yesterday we returned the auxiliary back-up dog to the kidlet, good thing too as she has been spending an inordinate amount of time bleeding.  At first I was WTF why is this dog constantly getting dinged up?  Then the more I thought about it the more I realized that right now the only thing she is learning from the enfant terribles is that it is mandatory that you somehow cause bodily harm to yourself whenever possible.  I can hardly wait until everyone is out of this stage, it is too hard on my poor nerves. 

Pirate Speak: Did you know that when a pirate says that she will dine with Duke Humphrey it actually means that she will go hungry that day? 

Thursday, January 10, 2013


Today dawned dull and shitty.  The wind was blowing, the snow was trying to snow, and the front yard was a skating rink.  So pretty much a typical day in the winter out this way.  The hubby and I packed up the hell hound and headed north to the big city of Stewiacke.  Happily the roads and weather got progressively better all day long so by the time we made it to Stewiacke it was not quite as crappy as it was when we left. 

Now for anyone who hasn't had the marvelous privilege of going to Stewiacke I can safely say that you ain't missing much.  In fact it looks to be quite the shithole.  (Sorry if I offended any Stewiackian readers, but I am only basing that on brief observations during a crappy time of year.)  Now normally I wouldn't have spent hard earned gas money driving to a small town in the middle of nowhere which has zip to offer at this time of the year except for the fact that they happen to have a outlet sale for windows there.  You see that is the same place we purchased all of our windows last year, so needing windows for the Wookie Cave, and knowing they were having a sale, we opted to return.  So now I am the proud owner of three new winders.  Yippee!  That means that soon we will be able to start work on the Wookie Cave, aka my new studio. 

On the way home we stopped in Costco just on the outskirts of Halifax and bought dog food, bird seed, and premade suppers of yumminess.  We then broke into my brother's place and heated, stirred, and scarfed the food while enjoying a nice chat with the clan.  (Just in case you misunderstood that statement it was the premade supper we enjoyed, not the dog food nor the bird seed.) 

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Old Shoes and Tea, or the Naps and Pudding Club

Here at the Old Shoes and Tea Society we can get pretty excited about new shoes and coffee, but that would never interfere with the name of the prestigious old girls and boys club we have going on.  You see one of the athletic stores in town is going out of business so yours truly took her hidden stash of hard earned cash which had been set aside specifically for a new pair of shoes and went in to see if I could purchase a new pair.  As is almost always the case, my size was already sold out.  My size, 10 or 11, seems to be one of the most sought after sizes in the female world and even when a store isn't going out of business they are generally out of my size.  Now a long time ago, when I was working for the man and hauling in one of those know those paper things...what do you call it again?  Oh yeah, a pay cheque.  I had found a running store that specialized in shoes for people who had been running forever and consequently have more things frigged up with their legs then the average bear, I used to be able to phone them up and say you have my size, and preference of shoe please send me one in the mail post haste.  The shoes would show up in my mailbox, the bill would show up on my Visa, I would take a portion of my earnings and pay them off.  It worked great.  I always had two pair on the go so I could alternate days of wearing them so they would last longer, and I wouldn't end up a cripple. 

The good thing was that I managed to find two pairs of shoes to buy from the men's side of the store.  And lucky for me the style of shoes that my heels happen to like are in the narrower male shoe department, so I bought two at a 40% discount.  How awesome is that?  One problem is that they are both summer shoes, and not trail runners, which means that they will suck at this time of the year.  I guess I will have to try and figure out how to plug my treadmill in.  Sigh.  I am NOT a fan of running on the treadmill.  But run I must, and so I will. 

I just got back from the kidlet's house where we spent two days watching the Lord of the Rings.  It was a marathon session and one which was oddly enjoyable as the kidlet and I spent the entire time chatting about the movies, the books, the differences, the sames, the goods, the bads, and the well dones and not so well dones.  The kidlet's hubby, Sven, or Sphen, as he spells it, was kind enough not to scream and tear at his hair while we chattered away. He was probably pretty frustrated so I tried to make it up to him by baking some oatmeal, chocolate chip cookies.  I think it worked.  My hubby chose to stay at the ranch so consequently we did not add another ten years to his life.  He is not a fan of people talking through movies.  I'm pretty sure that if he had been present he would have given those Orcs a run for their money in growls of irritation.  Speaking of which that reminds me that during one section where the Nazgul was screaming and causing havoc to the people of Middle Earth the kidlet muted the movie because she thought it was her youngest making that noise.  I kid you not!!!!!!  I bet you thought I was exaggerating about the screaming banshee in previous posts. 

Well I best be going because my neck and shoulder are starting to ache.  When I got up this morning I turned my head and suddenly got one of those shoulder cramps which makes the muscles in your neck knot up.  I hate, hate, hate those things because it takes weeks to clear up and in the meantime I walk around with a stiff neck, sore shoulder, and poor disposition.  I have an interview for a spot with a writers group tomorrow so I may have to take some Tylenol just so I can function like a normal human.  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.  (That's me giving those Orcs a run for their money.) 

Saturday, January 5, 2013


Today has not been a great day for old Iron Bess.  Probably because I didn't get too much sleep last night, it was one of those nights where I felt tired but could not convince my body/brain to actually take the plunge and get some sleep.  I thought about getting up and playing some games on my iPad but my eyes just couldn't focus on it.  I also thought of just lying there and listening to a book on tape until I was too tired to pay attention, but in my state of crappiness I couldn't remember how to increase the volume on my Kindle so couldn't hear the words over the snoring coming from the hubby's side of the bed.  So consequently I think I actually fell asleep somewhere after four am which was around the time the dog bugged me to put her outside.  So shitty sleep. 

Then in the late morning just as I seemed to get myself together the weather outside went from sunny to blowing and overcast...grrrrrrrr.  I figured that a nice walk outside in the sun would give me enough vitamin D to get me out of the feeling of crap.  I did manage to drag myself out and wander down the road figuring that a five k walk would perk me right up, but I only got about 1.5 k and started to hear a few coyotes howling ahead of me.  I was in such a mental state of abstraction that it didn't occur to me until I started hearing them quite loud in front of me that I probably shouldn't keep walking towards the pack, most especially with the hellhound leading the way.  Coyotes love themselves a good meal of dog.  So we turned and headed back.  Well I turned the dog was not so thrilled with our about face but when I threatened her with a serious beating she wagged her tail at me and kept walking towards her new would be friends.  Did I mention that a parsnip would give her a run for her money in the brains department?

Eventually we did make it back to the house, in one piece, where I managed to do a whole lot of nothing, I might have split a handful of kindling and then called it a day.  I wasn't even up to reading so I pretty much wasted my entire day doing sweet tweet.  Being all by my onsies it would have been a great day to start on my next article, but I didn't even have that in me.  Oh well, days like this make the good days so much better.  I think I will go and make some chocolate pudding now and perhaps watch a why didn't I think of that earlier?  Chocolate always makes things look less bleak! 

Thursday, January 3, 2013


This is my second post for 2013, the Year of the Holey Underwear, and as I sit here and ponder upon the day I realize that even after all these years of living on the planet Earth I still don't understand men.  Even my particular man is a bit of a mystery to me.  On one hand he is kind, loving, useful, industrious, handy, and clever, with a tendency to sprout hair on random parts of his body.  That I understand, but with an amazing, wonderful wife like me who wouldn't be all those things and more?  On the other hand he is impatient, temperamental, aggravating, irksome, irascible, volatile, vexing, and grumpy…sometimes all at the same time.  Some days I wonder how he even dares to go to sleep after being a total dickwad all day.  You see it wouldn't surprise me if he woke up with no eyebrows, or half his moustache missing, or the words, "I need a Spanking" written on his forehead in indelible black marker. 
The thing I've noticed about men which makes no sense to me at all, is that when something isn't going their way then suddenly it is like the Zombie Apocalypse.  The world becomes this brutal, terrible place where hordes of the undead shuffle menacingly towards you so they can eat your brain.  There is the wailing, the gnashing of the teeth, the incoherent moaning, and the rending of the hair.  And the Zombies make a lot of noise as well. 

My hubby has always had a time issue, no matter where he is going he has to be on time, and god forbid that he be late for anything because the world as we all know it would undergo a terrible transformation too hideous to envision.  Slowly over the years the time issue has gone from "have to be on time," to "must be there early," to "OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING IN BED?  WE HAVE TO BE AT OUR APPOINTMENT IN SEVEN HOURS AND WE STILL HAVE A HALF HOUR DRIVE AHEAD OF US!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT TO TAKE A SHOWER, GET DRESSED AND HAVE BREAKFAST?  ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?"  It really is starting to border on the psychotic. 

You see, the being "on time" thing is okay with me, in fact it's okay in spades, I don't like to be late, I think it is rude. However, being early is a whole other kettle of sardines, for me it can be a bit irksome depending on what it is.  If I am a half hour early going somewhere that I am unfamiliar with, or need to be careful on the highway/find parking/the office/the room then great, it makes sense.  An hour early to a bank appointment where we sit in the vehicle and wait, or worse, the bank lobby, I am not a fan of.  Early, of any sort, to somewhere we haven't established a time to be, and no one gives a big, fat, hairy, rat's ass what time we show up.  Well let's just say I find that to be quite irksome.  Getting yelled at for not being ready the second he is, to go somewhere where we don't have a time we need to be there by - I will get fucking perturbed!   

Let me clarify this though, I typically am not a happy camper when I get yelled at, at anytime, mainly because I am not three years old, but also because I do not yell at people (unless they are three) when I get a little worked up.  I have zero qualms about yelling back at people who yell at me, but typically I don't find it to be a very useful way of communications.  Over the years I have found that people DO NOT RESPOND WELL to getting yelled at.  In fact as a person, manager, boss, parent, etc I have made it a point not to yell at people when I am frustrated. So getting yelled at pisses me off to no end, getting yelled at for no fucking reason whatsoever makes me want to go around the house and destroy all the clocks with a baseball bat. 

Now I am not saying that there aren't any good reasons to yell at someone; for example, "Holy shit! They're giving away free label makers at the mall. Grab your jacket!" (You have to have a little OCD to understand how exciting label makers can be.) Or, "Run for your life there is a Zombie on your tail!" 

Okay I'm pretty sure I have to quit ranting now because all I seem to be doing is getting myself more and more pissed off.  So deep breaths, in, out, in, out, in, out.  Thoughts of sunshine, and puppy dogs.  Noodles, and poodles.  India ink, and cerulean blue.  That's better....chocolate, lottery wins, warm breezes, tropical beaches, turkey much better. 

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The Bowl

This is my dog.  This is my dog's bowl.  My dog and her bowl are having a long time love affair.  They are an inter-species couple, or is that inter-compound couple.  One is a fur covered, bag of mostly water, the other is a shiny metal container. 

One is a nonstop pacer, the other is so sedentary that the only way he moves is if someone, or something, picks him up and walks around with him.  One breaths, has a heart beat, defecates, and scatters hair onto every single square centimeter of surface in the house, the other is a piece of formed metal.  Now you would think that two beings so opposite could not find anything in common, that two beings so opposite could not form a long lasting relationship.  You would be dead wrong.  These two spend hours walking around the house holding hands, well technically mouth and rim, but you get my drift. 

It is the love affair of the century, but it has to end because it is also an obsession. 

ob·sess (b-ss, b-)
v. ob·sessed, ob·sess·ing, ob·sess·es
To preoccupy the mind of excessively.

To have the mind excessively preoccupied with a single emotion or topic.
Now I am as open minded as the next person and figure that whatever two consenting adults do is their own business but this has got to stop.  My dog introduces me to her dish four thousand times a day.  While I am making breakfast, working on the computer, sitting on the toilet, sleeping in bed, putting my shoes on, eating supper, taking a shower, folding laundry, starting a fire, sweeping the floor, doing dishes, baking biscuits, cleaning cobwebs out of the corners...etc, etc.  (Ha-ha, who am I trying to kid, I would never clean cobwebs out of a corner.)

Now for those of you reading this and saying that I should take the hint and feed the poor thing, I am making that blrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb strawberry noises at you.  She brings it to me before, and after each meal.  (Thankfully, so far at any rate, not during!)

And now I pronounce you dog and bowl, you may kis...lick the bowl. 

Notice how Karson is looking at her.  She is thinking, give it up already, even I'm getting sick of your bowl.